How To Date Your Husband During A Pandemic
CREATE NEW WAYS TO KEEP THE CONNECTION
After having kids, dating our partners became challenging at best. Somehow we made it work and managed to hold onto a flicker of who we were before our lives were overrun by wild ones. But how do you date your husband during a pandemic?
With fewer options and our days on repeat, it feels incredibly hard to date. I mean, why bother? We can’t casually hang out in a coffee shop or restaurant and movies are a no-go in most places.
I get it. I feel it too. But we need to figure out how we’re going to do it.
If we don’t make an effort to stay close, what will stop us from continuing to drift apart down the road?
We need to adapt to our circumstances, so we don’t create a new habit of not dating. And not hanging out together is a relationship killer (see this and this).
And a note to you moms of tweens and teens: this is a perfect time to practice creative dating and keep the emotional connection because, when the empty nest hits, you want to feel strong as a couple, not like strangers.
Let’s take control and figure out how we’re going to date our spouse!
Enjoy this loverly photo from a date-night cooking class back in 2018. You can tell it's me because of the dazzling smile (and the nametag).
Note: while I’m not here to give you a ton of ideas, I am here to help you figure out how to adjust to your circumstances and create your own experiences. Ya know, the whole “teach a man to fish” thing.
① GRAB YOUR PARTNER FOR A BRAINSTORM SESSION:
This is a date in itself… talk about what you did before the pandemic. Is there any way to recreate or reinvent past dates? Get creative.
Don’t worry about what to do with the kids just yet. Figure out what you could do first. Figure out how later.
② CROWDSOURCE YOUR DATE IDEAS:
Ask your friends or social media for ideas. Many couples have one or two go-to dates (they may not call them dates, so maybe ask “how do you spend time with each other?”)
③ ADD A TWIST:
As we’ve all undoubtedly found, everything becomes mundane when you do it enough (Walks? Dinner? Marvel movies?)
Review your brainstorm list and find new ways to experience past dates. How can you personalize your crowdsource list to suit you and your pandemic date?
④ SCHEDULE IT ON YOUR CALENDAR:
A plan without action is just a plan, right? You can have all the ingredients for tandoori chicken on your counter, but if no one bothers to turn it into a meal, ingredients they shall remain (please don’t think I actually make fancy things like Tandoori chicken...).
You get the idea. Build a dating database, adjust it as needed, and put it in ink.
I do want to highlight the absolute necessity of brainstorming together. Not only will both of you produce more possible date ideas, but you’re both invested in the outcome. You know how we get better results from our kids when we involve them in decision-making? Dating your husband/partner/spouse is no different.
You want your partner to be all in, so involve them from the start. Listen to their ideas (DO. NOT. POOH. POOH. ANYTHING), generate a massive list, and walk each other through it.
👉 For those of you with younger kids, babysitters are probably not a good idea yet, but if you have a bubble with another family, your options open up. Day or evening kid-sitting swaps saved me when I didn’t have a babysitter list. It might work for you now.
Also, my favorite dating tip for parents with kids of any age are daily mini-dates. Find 15 minutes a day to simply talk. Coffee, wine, appetizers, whatever. The objective isn’t time away from the kids (as lovely as that sounds). The goal is to make time to be together. It doesn’t have to be grand.
Once life gets back to normal, and we’re buzzing about losing track of our weeks and months, these spouse-dating tools will help keep you closer in the long run.
P.S. Remember, your kids won’t be under your roof forever. When you learn how to keep a connection with your spouse, your empty nest years will be something to look forward to, not fear.
If you want more help on preparing for an empty nest, I have a program designed specifically for moms of tweens and teens - find it HERE!