How To Make Connections & Improve Communication
ON LISTENING TO UNDERSTAND
About three weeks before Shelter In Place, I saw a homeless woman sitting on the curb reading in the sunshine.
As I passed, a photo of Keanu flashed in my head, and before I could overthink it, I turned around and asked her if I could get her a cup of coffee.
In 1997 Keanu Reeves, living his best Keanu life, sat down with a homeless man and struck up a conversation. He shared a snack, some food, and laughs.
Photos from this encounter didn’t surface on the internet until just a couple of years ago, but they’re seared on my brain, and Keanu’s genuine desire to connect with people and hear their stories drives me to do the same.
As parents, we’re continually trying to stay afloat and survive the seemingly endless challenges that won’t stop popping up. And when we’re so caught up in our own world (home, family, and work), we’re missing out on what’s happening with others.
If we don’t shift our focus to the outside world, even for a few moments a week, we’ll miss out on so many connections and opportunities for self-development.
Over the last two years, I’ve engaged in a psychology experiment of sorts—trying to understand how and why we do what we do. I’ve listened to endless parenting books, devoured countless behavioral science podcasts, and am obsessed with the “why” behind everything.
Have I mentioned I have a philosophy degree? Probably not. It doesn’t come up much, but it’s helping me dig deeper and discover who I am and how I fit into this world.
By pushing myself to understand my family, friends, and strangers, I’ve learned listening, really listening, is the foundation to healthy relationships.
Good, no GREAT, communication is so much less about talking, so much more about listening.
So let’s head back to my story about my encounter with a homeless woman.
Before that day, I had NEVER spoken to a homeless person beyond answering their pleas for money with a smile and a semi-firm “no.” Not because I’m heartless, but because I was trained to keep moving. Nothing to see here.
But I was wrong—there IS something to see.
Her name was Heather, and she got into massive medical debt, lost her adult son to cancer, and was pushed out of her rented room as the landlord needed the space for someone else.
She revealed she has a strenuous relationship with her siblings and no one else she can call on for help. Afraid of the violence and theft at shelters, she’s stuck on the streets.
As I left, I thought about what Keanu and realized yes, indeed. He is on the right track. Paying attention to people and listening to their stories and opinions is a gift. Not a burden. Sure, I was late to a meeting and out ten bucks, but the insight into Heather’s life gave me a better understanding of homelessness. Something I had been thinking about for years.
For several months, I saw her in local coffee shops reading, napping, trying to stay clean and warm. Each time I said hello and bought her a coffee and something to eat. We never had a long conversation again, but she always gave me a sincere smile and her gratitude.
My encounter with Heather reminds me that there is a world worth discovering beyond my front door. Beyond my thoughts and personal beliefs.
SO HOW CAN YOU PUSH BEYOND YOUR NORMAL CIRCLE OF COMFORT?
1— Start listening to understand.
2— Be curious. Ask open-ended questions.
3— Focus on questions to prove your assumptions wrong (not correct).
AND HERE’S WHAT YOU CAN DO RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT:
☞ Follow Sharon McMahon on IG and pay attention to her stories. Absolutely eye-opening.
☞ Read The Lost Art of Listening by Michael P. Nichols
Imagine living in a world where our automatic response was to connect rather than reject. Our communities would be tighter, conversations more open, and our fear of the unknown would drop.
I’m down for being more curious, and I’m crossing fingers you are too.
P.S. Any Amazon links are likely affiliate links which means, if you use it, I might get a few pennies to help fuel my coffee addiction. Which I appreciate. Greatly. 🥰
